


The Captain's Letters

by 401



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Captain America: The First Avenger, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Letters, Love Letters, M/M, PTSD, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Sequel, Steve Rogers Feels, found letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-26 07:52:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6230026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/401/pseuds/401
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Follow on to my previous 'The Asset Letters'. The same idea, but from Steve's point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Captain's Letters

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CrushedCosmicCube (MistressOfMalplaquet)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistressOfMalplaquet/gifts), [WillowDrown](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WillowDrown/gifts).



**April 5 th 1944**

Dear Bucky,

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. It hurts, more than every bullet wound and broken bone put together. I want you back. Hell, I _need_ you back. But I guess I’ve lost the right to need anything from you anymore. You needed me and I couldn’t hold on. I keep telling myself that the snow at the bottom of that ravine would be deep enough to catch you, that somewhere down there was something, anything that would fix this. Anything that means today isn’t the last time I’ll ever see you.

It’s stupid, I know. If you were here, you’d be telling me to set my jaw and fix up; I’m a bawling mess. I guess you just mean more to me than pride ever could.

This world is cold without you, Buck. And it ain’t the snow.

Miss you forever,

Steve.

 

 

**April 7 th 1944**

I’m seeing you everywhere.

You’re face, your voice, your smell. Its following me around and it stings, Buck. I fight every day now, see people die every day and it just bounces off of me, like it all bounces off of this god-forsaken shield. It hurts, sure, seeing people hurt but it’s nothing like losing you. Nowhere near.

Peggy asked me something today. She asked me if I loved you, said I didn’t have the face of a man who had only lost a ‘pal’. I told her. I told her I loved you an awful lot and I walked off. I love her too but not like I love you. I didn’t want to hurt her any.

One day, it’ll be okay. Guys loving guys and dames loving dames. I might never see it, but it’ll happen. I know it. What kind of world am I ‘saving’ if it doesn’t?

I’m never going to stop loving you, not one bit.

Steve.

 

**May 4 th 1944**

I’m sorry I haven’t written for a while. I know you can’t read it but maybe you can hear it. I know you don’t much believe in heaven but I bet you can hear me a little. I’d never get rid of you that easy.

We’re ending this fight today, and I bet you’ll be with me every step of the way. I know you will. It’s going to be a hard one, but we’ll do it.

I’m telling myself that I can’t lose. Either I end this all and we win, or I die trying. Then I’ll see you again. We can do whatever people do in heaven or wherever we’re going. But we’ll be together and that’s all I care about.

I miss you more and more every day. Sometimes it’s like you’re not gone, I swear I can hear you. I catch myself talking to you like you’re in the room. You might have taken all of the stupid with you but you certainly saved me some of the crazy.

I’ll see you soon, I have to go and win a war.

Love you forever,

Steve.

 

 

**March 14 th 2012**

This is too much. I never thought that the Big Apple could get any bigger but I guess I was wrong. You’ll never guess what 49th Street looks like now, Buck. Big glass buildings, signs that move, all in colour and everything. The cars are fast too, you watch them going past and they’re like bullets. You’d love it, almost as much as I hate it.

It’s like Stark’s convention tenfold. God, baby I’d pay my weight in gold to be able to show you all of this. Your face would be a sight.

I crashed the plain (always a useless driver, I know). I thought I was done for but the serum, it protected my cells and I froze solid.

It’s 2012, Buck. I’m what, 92? I look the same, I feel the same. It’s the rest of the world that’s changed.

Maybe you’ll see it one day. I don’t know how, but maybe.

I still miss you.

Steve.

 

**June 15 th 2014**

I never thought I’d see you again, and I never thought we would have to fight like that if I did. I’m sorry.

I don’t care how, but I’ll make sure that you stop having to be the Winter Soldier, and start being Bucky again.

I promise.

 

 

**July 23rd 2014**

Hey Bucky,

I found your address. Natasha (Red hair, Black Widow) can find out most things about most people. You’ve probably already found mine, you’re good like that now too, so I’ve heard. I just want you to know that no matter what time it is, no matter how busy I am, if you ring my door I’ll be there.

Christ, Bucky, you can break and enter for all I care as long as you come back. Sorry. It’s your choice. But I’d love you to come back.

I still miss you as much as the day you left, it never went away. It’s going to take more than 70 years and a metal arm to make that go away.

Anyway, you know where I am.

Key’s under the mat.

I love you.

Steve.

 

 


End file.
